


We fixed it

by sothatsagoodthing



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, Cracky Crackiness, Don't Judge Me, Gen, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Post Season 5, Utter ridiculousness, fruity cocktails, pool parties, spoilers up to the season 5 finale, utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6953548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sothatsagoodthing/pseuds/sothatsagoodthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daenerys learns a little something about ruling from Tyrion. Also, about appreciating fruity cocktails.</p><p>Absolutely ridiculous piece of Game of Thrones crack set after the season 5 finale. Seriously, I don’t even know what I was thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We fixed it

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this story to my big sister, who contributed many brilliant ideas while watching.  
> Hope you enjoy and remember, comments are love, comments are life! ;)

When Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, The Unburnt, Blood of the Dragon, Queen of Meereen and winner of Westeros’ “Sexiest Monarch Alive – Award” three years in a row stormed into her pyramid, she was not pleased.

She hastily waved off a worried Jorah Mormont and a smugly grinning Daario Naharis and declared, “Out of the way, my city needs me!”

In the privacy of her own mind she was debating which was indeed the greater need: that of Meereen for its ruler or Daenerys’ own need for a bath. After all, 5% of her success as a politician depended on her skill as a ruler and 5% on her Targaryen heritage, while the remaining 90% hinged on her being _fabulous._  
Meereen won out, not because Dany valued the city more than her hair, but because even after spending an entire day in the wilderness, she was probably still the prettiest woman in all seven kingdoms.

Gathering all her regalness, the Queen of Meereen stepped into her throne room. 

She blinked. After several seconds, she blinked again.

 _It must be heatstroke,_ she thought, before remembering that she had survived a bigass funeral pyre without suffering any ill effects and really shouldn’t be bothered by a little sun.  
But after she shook herself a little and blinked again, the sight before her remained the same.

At the base of her favorite dramatic staircase leading up to her throne, Tyrion, Varys, Missandei and Grey Worm were, for lack of a better word, _chilling._

It seemed that during her absence a pool had been installed in her throne room, or perhaps the shimmering turquoise water had been hidden under the floor all along.

At any rate, her most trusted advisors were now seated around the pool, sipping brightly colored cocktails and sunbathing, or floating on a pool noodle in Grey Worm’s case.

_What in the – where did Missandei get that bikini? It’s… it’s **fabulous.** And who knew the dwarf was actually really buff? _

Daenerys quickly rallied. Using her patented _“Where are my dragons?”_ tone of voice, she demanded: “What have you been doing in my absence? What of Meereen?”

“Oh, Meereen”, Tyrion began, taking a generous gulp of his fruity, bright orange drink before continuing, “We fixed it. Only took us half an afternoon.”

At this point the dwarf raised one hand and was enthusiastically high-fived by Varys.  
Missandei rose from her lounge chair where she had been sharing a drink with Grey Worm from a coconut. She curtsied and inquired: “My queen, would you like a Margarita?”

For the first time in a long time, Dany found herself at a loss for words. 

“I should think our lovely queen would appreciate a Bahama Mama, don’t you agree, Tyrion?” Varys asked. The Lannister nodded.

“That does actually sound rather marvelous”, Daario pitched in, “But have you fellows ever tried a Cosmo?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FIXED IT?”, Dany bellowed, finally finding her voice. The commander of the Unsullied threatened to overbalance on his floating piece of pink pool equipment, but steadied himself just in time.

“We solved all of Meereen’s problems while you were away”, Tyrion explained in a slow and patient voice, “Probably _because_ Meereen’s problem was away.”

“You mean the Sons of the Harpy?”

“Identified and imprisoned.”

“The fear and chaos caused by the massacre in the coliseum?”

“Resolved. ”

“The inevitable rage of the masters over the death of yet another head of an important family, while I escaped on my dragon and left all of you to die, including those of you whom I consider to be my closest or only friends?”

“Appeased.”

“And the resentment of the former slaves, whom I inspired to violence and whose martyr I recently had executed?”

“Gone. Poof.”

“What about the age-old conflict between the proletariat masses and the wealthy bourgeoisie, exacerbated by cultural differences and the recent emergence of a messiah-like figure, who further divided the people through her self-righteous and simplistic ideas of how governance works?”

Tyrion slurped down the rest of his Bahama Mama and set down his glass.  
“Fixed that too.”  
He picked the slice of pineapple off the rim of his glass and began munching on it with relish.

“You mean… you mean you don’t need me? At all?” Dany asked quietly. She felt her bottom lip begin to tremble.

“Khaleesi! Of course we need you!” Jorah exclaimed and rushed forward to embrace her but was stopped by an elbow to the face from Daario.

“Ser Mormont is quite correct”, Varys said, adjusting his heart-shaped sunglasses, “After all, you are the mother of Dragons. Nobody doubts that you have the potential to become a great queen one day, if you employ your talents, your dragons and your good looks wisely.”

Tyrion nodded, agreeing. “It’s simply a matter of listening to those who have more governing experience than you and avoiding bursts of self-righteous fury that threaten to make you more, well, mad-kingy.”

“Oh. Well, if that’s all… Can I join the pool party?”, Dany asked almost shyly.

“Of course you can!” Missandei replied brightly, “Here, have a flower crown, your grace!”

“I make it myself for queen Daenerys.”

“Thank you, Grey Worm.”

“Feel free to enjoy the pool”, Varys offered, “Not you though, Ser Jorah, you’ll infect us all.”

“Infect us with what?” Daenerys demanded.

Varys raised his eyebrows before mumbling around a pink straw: “Oh. Awkward.”


End file.
